Halfhearted packing

Today I planned to start packing for the grand adventure in the woods. Instead, I cleaned the apartment, did some dishes, talked on the phone, started applying to grad school, listened to NPR, ate lunch… I haven’t even been outside today, and in a few days, I’ll be outside every day again. I love being outside every day. It makes me happy and it sparks my interest in new things. However, it’s also kind of cold. Right now, I’m sitting in my warm kitchen, sipping tea, wrapped in a blanket, and life seems pretty good. It’s hard to embrace the idea of being outside, a few days from now, freezing my tail off while trying not to lose any limbs to the wood-splitter.

So I’m not looking forward to wearing a bazillion layers, lining my pockets with hand-warmers, and still being freezing cold. But I am looking forward to my little cabin in the woods. I’m looking forward to evicting the squirrels, building a fire, reading books, knitting, cooking, and hanging out with camp’s full-time human residents.

The squirrels have taken a central place in my mind this week. I think that as Outdoor School ended, my mind became kind of a vacuous place, in need of some other major theme, and that theme has become these stupid squirrels. I’ve been gearing myself up to take down their little fortress, set the live trap, and engage in this epic battle with them. It all seems kind of silly. But then, when you’re in the woods by yourself, and there are a bunch of squirrels chilling in your house, vacating their bowels and their bladders all over your cooking space, it does begin to seem kind of serious.

None of this squirrel-thought is packing my stuff for me.